Children and the Mediation Voucher Scheme

Earley Solutions is taking part in the Family Mediation Voucher Scheme

The Family Mediation Voucher scheme is designed to support parties who may be able to resolve their family disputes outside of court. The Government has set up the scheme in response to Covid-19 to support recovery in the family court and to encourage more people to consider mediation as a means of resolving their disputes, where appropriate. To support this, a financial contribution of up to £500 per family/case, towards the costs of mediation will be provided. You must both attend and pay for a MIAMs meeting, £110. If you both wish to proceed, your Accredited Mediator will apply for funding on your behalf. The funding is non means-tested and is not repayable. Only Accredited Mediators can take part in the Voucher Scheme. You will need to confirm you have not applied for another voucher as part of the same scheme and give consent to our mediator providing information to the Family Mediation Council including our name and some basic but not confidential information about your case (your postcode). At the end of your mediation, you will be asked to complete a short monitoring questionnaire which is optional.

Your Child/Children

Separation and Divorce is difficult and upsetting for everyone and it is important for your children to be supported during this process.
If you cannot agree on arrangements, we can help you formulate some options and assess how they could work. We will help you focus on what is best for your child.

Do you have Parental responsibility?
Mothers automatically have it.
Fathers will have it for a child if they were married to the child's mother or they are listed on the child's birth certificate. It can be acquired by signing a Parental Responsibility Agreement and getting it signed and witnessed at your local court.
Same Sex parents will both have parental responsibility if they were civil partners at the time of the treatment or by making a parental responsibility agreement or jointly registering the birth.
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What is it?
It is your responsibility to provide a home to protect and maintain your child. It includes disciplining the child, choosing the child's education and agreeing to medical treatment.
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What if we don't live together?
You can have parental responsibility for a child you don't live with. It does not mean you have a right to spend time with them, but it does mean the other parent must include you when making major decisions about the child's life.

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Resolution - We Need To Talk from Resolution on Vimeo.

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Helping your child   

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·   Remind them that they are loved by both parents.
·   Be honest when talking about it but keep in mind the child's age and understanding.
·   Avoid blame – don't share any negative feelings the adults have about each other.
·   Keep up routines such as going to school and specific meal times.
·   Let them know they can talk about their feelings with you – explain that it's okay to be sad, confused or angry.
·   Listen more than you speak – answering questions will help them to open up.

Every separation and divorce is different

We are all individuals and your relationship is unique. There is no magic formula to say a particular pattern is the right one for you. Your experienced mediator will help you explore different options and patterns fitting around everyone’s work arrangements, activities and what can realistically be a achieved. 

Useful website for help with family matters: www.resolution.org.uk/usefulorgs

My former partner is influencing the children against me – what can I do?

• Maintain contact and be consistent with your children. When children are being actively encouraged to reject a parent they need an alternative perception of reality. Continue to follow through with what you say you will do, for example through texts and emails.
• Do not put your children in the middle of adult issues. If you are angry about something the other parent has done, address that issue with the other parent or the court, not your children.
• Don’t blame your children for the rejection. In normal parenting situations it is reasonable to hold your children accountable for inappropriate and disrespectful behaviour. But these dynamics are not normal circumstances. Children are being placed in a situation where, in order to be embraced by one parent, they must reject the other. If your relationship with your children is in jeopardy the first and most important goal is to preserve your relationship and emotional connection with your children.
• Try to understand your children’s position. It is incredibly stressful and difficult for children when they are placed in a situation where they must side with one parent over the other. Consider the stress you are experiencing as an adult in dealing with this issue and imagine how your children feel having to live with this stress day after day.
• Avoid taking the rejection personally. While it is incredibly painful to be rejected by your children, it is important to understand it is not a situation your children can control or successfully manage without support.
• Offer children an alternative perception of reality whenever possible. It is okay to say that you do not agree with how the other parent is handling this situation. However, be careful not to blame, judge or criticise the other parent – these actions may push your children further away. Because this is such a difficult and frustrating situation, some parents may feel that if they tell their children the ‘truth’, they try to set the record straight and aggressively fight the situation so their children will see they are obviously the victimised parent. In most cases, this will not happen. Furthermore, when parents do this they are also engaging in inappropriate behaviour by asking the children to choose one parent as right and one as wrong.
• Give clear and consistent messages to your children. These messages might include:

          You do not have to pick or choose one parent over the other.
          Your feelings do not have to be the same as ours.
          You should always be able to love both of your parents.

• Don’t give up. When dealing with high-conflict situations it can be hard to see how your actions are making a difference. In some parent–child relationships it may take years before you will see the results of your choices and efforts. Don’t make the mistake of thinking you do not matter to your children – you do.
• Remember your children are made up from 50% of you, and 50% of their other parent. Criticising a former partner can mean hurting one-half of your own children.

Child Inclusive mediation

The Family Mediation Council have embodied Article 12 of the United Nations Convention of the Rights of the Child within their code of practice. This gives all children the right to express their views on all matters affecting them in accordance with their age and maturity. In the UK this is all children of 10 and over. They should have the opportunity to be consulted, if they wish, when decisions and arrangements are being made that affect them. Younger children (including younger siblings and other children of the family) will not be excluded from the mediation since they are equally important members of the family.

Child Inclusive Mediation gives children and young people the opportunity of having their voices heard within the mediation. It will help them feel respected and listened to and can help the parents take into account the message from their children regarding decisions relating to them. If you would like your child to attend a meeting with the mediator, an invitation is sent to the child and they are free to accept or decline the invitation to meet with the mediator. The discussion with the mediator is covered by confidentiality and the mediator can only feedback information to the parent that the child has said can be given. Your child may make requests or offer suggestions but they are not asked or given power to make the choices or decisions - that remains with the parents.